where the heart is

i've lived away from my hometown of winston-salem, north carolina for 15 years now. i have a strange relationship with winston, simultaneously loving it and vowing never to live there (willingly) again. i still call it "home" and look forward to my visits there, which have four stages: 1. snooty comparison ("this is so small and boring compared to san francisco!"), 2. readjustment, 3. enchantment ("i just love the trees,the downtown arts, and the liveable scale."), and 4. lingering thoughts ("time for me to go, but a piece of my heart is always here.").

i joke with myself that only two great things have come out of winston - krispy kreme and pam grier. but i have to give the city credit - in trying to wean itself from r.j.reynolds tobacco co. as the city's financial cash cow, the citizens have searched for ways to help winston-salem's economy and reputation to rebound. it may not have the sports franchises of charlotte or the college-town dynamism of raleigh-durham-chapel hill, but in my heart winston-salem is the city that tries harder. i think the population is too old, white, conservative, and religious to ever make the city particularly exciting for young, vibrant hipsters, sophisticates, lefties, and "cafe society," but it can be a very nice place to hang for a minute.

of course, the main appeal to going home is to see my family, both immediate and extended. it never ceases to amaze me that i feel re-energized by my peoples, who are so warm and real. i wonder if i'd have the same reaction if i got to see them more often - i probably would. in spite of the drama that all families have, i'm heartened and strengthened by my family. i want oprah to recognize my mother on her show, because my mom is truly a woman who has "made a way from no way" as the down-home saying goes. after a splendid christmas visit, i feel grounded again. thanks, my people.