notes for a young brotha

i was tremendously moved to find out from an acquaintance that one of her 16 year old students has come out. over the past year, i've spent some time around this young brotha in a group I’ve worked with, and was very surprised to hear his declaration – i guess my gaydar doesn’t work on people that young (that’s probably a good thing!). evidently he shared with her his attraction to one of the other boys in the class, and then burst into tears. fortunately, she was fully supportive of him, and as she told me this story, i made myself available to talk with him as someone who has been through much of what he’s about to go through. i know that thousands of us have made this step, but to someone so young and already experiencing a certain heartache, there’s so much to say.

i want to tell him that it’s going to be hard, and that he’ll more than likely never escape the disapproval of unsupportive family and would-be friends. i want to tell him that hopefully he’ll experience the fantastic sense of brotherhood and community as he steps more assuredly into this quiet fraternity of sorts. i want to tell him that some of his deepest and most enduring friendships and relationships will be built with people who share our “ways,” as the elders used to say, or who simply regard us as we are, a different expression of normalcy. i want to tell him that he’ll experience thefull range of emotions that healthy people experience, from the chest-bursting highs of love to the saddest and disemboweling of low down blues, and all of the fabulousness and ferocity everything in between. i want to tell him that as he continues to embrace and love himself for his intelligence, maturity, interests, quirks, and desires, this strength will allow him to stand tall and walk proud, even through the occasional storm. i want to tell him not to succumb to the pressures to be dishonest or ashamed, because that behavior only leads to more dysfunctional and even dangerous behavior. i want to tell him that all in all, life as a black gay man will be challenging but beautiful if he decides to love himself as much as he can.

these things are a reminder to me as much as they are advice to him, even if I don’t ever have the chance to share with him. good luck and godspeed, my young brotha.